A Mental Spring Cleaning

I am so in desperate need of a spring cleaning. I have had the hairdo and the spa day, but now I need the 'mental' spring cleaning. You know all those situations that you've found yourself in that you couldn't find the right words to say and you just sort of "let it go"? Or sat there with your mouth dropped open because you couldn't believe your ears and couldn't think up a good reply? But you're still kicking yourself for not saying a word about it, and you continue to replay the scenario in your head over and over again with that brilliant comeback you have thought up for the conversation that should have happened? This is me. I have conversations that I should have had that date back years ago that litter my head to this day. I even have comebacks in my head ready for possible situations that never really arise because I despise the fact that I can never think of the right thing to say when it comes time to say it. I am always stuck there thinking, "this person can't possibly be being mean to me right now, I must be taking it the wrong way." But of course, that person is being mean and I am a complete wimp for not only giving the person the benefit of the doubt, but for not standing up for myself! Exclamation mark!

I am, however, getting better at this. But all of these thoughts swirling around in my head really stress me out and even keep me up at night. In the latest issue of Real Simple magazine, a staple and savior in my life, the writers tackled the issue of a mental spring cleaning and suggested that you write down those things that clutter and fry your mind and throw them away. Right now, I'm thinking of that woman in the hospital last year who refused to sell me a $4 hose for my breastpump because she was helping someone who had an appointment and I didn't. She did, however, get up to help someone else who had an appointment earlier that morning, but again wouldn't take the extra 5 seconds to help me, even after I tearfully begged. I waited an hour, meantime, with my boobs all engorged and busting, on fire and leaking. I couldn't nurse Poops because he was in the NICU and it was shut down because another baby was being flown in, and I hadn't seen him in more than a day because that was the first day I actually had the audacity to actually leave the hospital to sleep in my bed the night before and when I returned, the NICU was closed. (Never made that mistake again by the way.) Damn hag. I had actually begged her to help me and she still refused. And the only thing I could come up with when she finally did sell me that stupid part was "next time I have an emergency, I'll be sure to make an appointment!" Ooh. What a zinger. Doesn't she know it's a women's hospital? And not every woman in there is having the time of her life with a bouncing new baby? And that hormones and milk and estrogen and crying and issues like complications and prematurity actually happen to women who give birth there? OK lady, I'm letting you go now.

Or that phone call I never made to the guy at the dealership who "fixed" our car, saying that the flat tire we had had nothing to do with a piece of wood shoved into the rubber and then didn't bother to re-inflate it for us. He finally did re-inflate it but only because I had to ask him to, but of course the tire was flat a half-hour later. Why? Because the wood punctured the tire, of course. I took it somewhere else for a $25 patch. Am I really as stupid as I look? Oh yeah, I buried the lead. This is the same guy who had to digitize a new set of keys for me because I had accidentally thrown the only one we had out, and the next day the car wouldn't start. After I had it towed back to the dealership, he fixed some new problem that magically cropped up and was "purely coincidence" for $400. Coincidence my ass. Letting you go too, man.

This feels good.

OK, next, my HR person at my old job, who told me I had to come back to work from maternity leave after 6 weeks if I was cleared medically from my doctor, even if my six-week premature infant was only technically age 0. (My return date was his due date). "Yep, sorry!" she said. "That's policy!" Fortunately, I got clearance from the pediatrician who gave me until Poops turned four months old and it turned out that I actually never went back to work anyway. Hence, I never got a chance to air my grievances about how awful she was in the days following his birth. So here it is. Letting it go.

Oh and here's one that's sure to be TMI. Last year, when I was six months pregnant I had to have surgery on my knee because I ripped cartilage cleaning my closet and my knee locked in a bended position. Before surgery, all the patients are lined up along a wall on their individual stretcher, with a curtain to separate you for privacy. There were about 10 patients and 4 nurses. I didn't need any help, except, of course, when I had to pee. So I sheepishly asked the nurse to help me to the loo because how much dignity do you have while lying there, unable to walk, in an assless gown? I must have just looked like another annoying face to her, because she pointed to the bathroom across the room and said, "It's right over there." "Yes," I said, "but my knee is locked, that is why I am here, so I need help or perhaps a wheelchair." (I was wheeled in on one after all.) "We don't have wheelchairs in here!" she barked at me, and then yelled in a huff, "Well, you'll just have to use a bed pan!" Oh how embarrassing. Having to pee on a thing in your bed with a patient on either side of you and only a teensy curtain separating you. Yes, I am sensitive. Maybe too much so. But I will always believe in old-fashioned things like customer service and, when you're a patient, bedside manner. Many people forget that they're treating someone's sister, mother, teacher, legislator, father, brother, grandfather, whatever. These are people, with actual feelings. And in the hospital, most are scared (because maybe they are six months pregnant having surgery) and most don't have much dignity left because they're naked and poked at and need help with simple things like eating, getting up to use the restroom and showering. We may all just be another annoying face to you, but outside of this gown and this bedpan, we are people with jobs and friends, family and homes and real clothes and dignity.

You should try this, this is really working for me!

So I guess that's it for now! I don't really want this to be a blog for my bitch-sessions, but a little spring cleaning doesn't hurt, does it? Now, I'll let these little complaints fly off into the cyber void and I will shove them back out of my mind if they try to return. I guess sometimes I really want people to know that they've hurt someone's feelings--I would really want to know because I would really want to fix it. But since I don't know their names, this is the next best thing. Plus, I am pretty sure my husband is sick of hearing me refer to these things over and over again in conversation (they really do plague me!). But now I find I am a little different, a little more jaded, and a little less confident in humanity. It's such a pity. Now, I get names, and if I am wronged I say something right there and more often than not I surprise myself and find that they've said something that they did not mean in the way that I took it. And if I can't figure out what to say, I call back later or write my signature "strongly worded letter." Which totally makes me feel better too and works! If you have any mental spring cleaning to do, I strongly recommend you do this too, so you can let it all go. It really is freeing! Feel free to do it here, or on your blog and let me know about it (or not). Let's clear our minds, friends! And start over fresh.

Thursday Thirteen #26 - The Comedy of Errors Edition

We got back Tuesday from my brother-in-law's welcome home party after his safe return from Iraq (Yay!!!) and as much as it was wonderful, there were, of course, a comedy of errors and mishaps throughout the trip, which is par for the course when traveling in my family. So here are:

13 Crazy Things That Happened On Our Trip to D.C.

1. Between my parents, husband, baby and I who were traveling together, we had an entire luggage cart full of luggage. Of course, we realized we forgot one piece of it at the airport after we had arrived at the car rental place via shuttle. Husband had to ride shuttle all the way back driven by crazy man to retrieve it.

2. Had to upgrade rental car to minivan because of all the luggage, a minivan which turned out to have apparently problematic brakes. Every time we stopped or slowed down a terrible grinding sound would roar through the car and the little red "brake" light would come on. Got replacement the next day from company that was less than sympathetic and which did not want to take responsibility.

3. Arrived at my sister's house that night where we were staying after airport/car incident. It was midnight. She left the key in an inconspicuous place for us but it was so inconspicuous that even we couldn't find it and there were no lights on anywhere. After 1/2 hour of looking and 25 messages to her cell phone, we left and got a hotel room at the hotel we were checking into Friday.

4. The room had only one bed. My parents slept in two rollaways that were brought up and we looked like the family of Charlie Bucket from Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, all laying around in different beds crammed into one room like we haven't moved for the last 20 years.

5. I woke up with one of the most horrendous migraines ever on Friday morning, the day we were supposed to shop for my brother-in-law's coming home party. (I think I did not hydrate enough when we traveled Thursday.) Unfortunately I didn't catch the headache with my migraine stuff by the time we had to leave and despite taking it every four hours, I felt like my head was going to explode and I was going to keel over.

6. Annoyed my shopping-partner-mother to no end because I was moving at a snail's pace. Went to Target, lunch at a BBQ place, Sam's Club, Party City and a grocery store. The trip should have taken two hours. It took six. (My dad returned to my sister's house by the way and found the key in the daylight. Exactly where she said it would be.)

7. At the grocery store, in my dazed and confused migraine state, I unloaded all my groceries onto a conveyor belt in a line that wasn't open and stood there waiting for the cashier that never came (in my defense-the sun was shining on the light and made it look like it was on!!). Unfortunately, a few others joined me in line and when I realized it wasn't open, all the other lines that were open had gotten real long and the guy behind me yelled at me, "You made me do this!"

8. I accidentally took another woman's groceries and headed out of the grocery store the wrong way, knocking into a man's cart along the way like a complete drunkard.

9. Saturday, on the day of the party, we all had forgotten to get directions to the restaurant. An argument ensued between the men about what to do (my uncle: "I think I know where it is, let's just drive and figure it out!" my husband: "We can't be late! We're setting up!" and there were some expletives uttered.) So we decided in the end to have my dad take a cab and we would all follow.

10. Smart, right? But when my dad got out of the cab, we had all forgotten we put the stroller in the trunk. The stroller drove away and we didn't know the cab company's name or anything about the cab.

11. That was my only place to keep Poops when we were setting up for the after-party at my sister's house (or when we went anywhere, really). He got into everything as we raced around to set up everything in 20 minutes before everyone got there. It took a village. I was a sweaty mess.

12. We spent Saturday night and all of Sunday calling every cab company we could find in the yellow pages and talking to our hotel to find out which cab companies work there. My cousin had somehow remembered the name of the cab and it was so small it wasn't in the yellow pages (it was in the white). We left a message. I summoned the universe to deliver the stroller to us, and would you believe, the cabbie called us back Monday (a miracle!!) and brought it to us. Of course, it was about 1/2 hour after we had already bought another one.

13. Finally, why wouldn't we decide to have fish the night before we left to fly home? Let's just say someone in our party had faulty fish and we'll leave it at that. It was not a good day to travel for that person to say the least, and we all had to be out the door and on the road by 4 am for our early flight.

So in sum, it wasn't a trip, it was an adventure! It's a good thing we can all laugh about it now! Happy TT!!




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We're Baaaack!

As fun as this trip was, it's good to be home, sleeping in my own bed, using my own shower and not eating out at a restaurant for every meal. Ahhhh. Of course, the house is a mess, the laundry is done and in true me-fashion not folded yet, dishes are piled in the sink, you know the story. But it's my house, not a tiny hotel room packed with four people and a baby. Still waiting on second trimester second wind. Has not kicked in yet. Very disappointed. Poops continues to stand and is extremely proud of himself. He's also knocking out another milestone: the garbage disposal that was my son is now becoming a picky eater! I hoped I would never see the day. If he doesn't like the taste or the texture of something, he just sticks out his tongue and lets the food roll right off it into his lap. A lovely new habit. Love it! My dish is becoming a refuge for his partially chewed food.

So the random acts of kindness continued in D.C. for my brother-in-law, even after my last posting. Someone left the book "1776" on their rocking chair out front with a note that said "Thank You" and the little note was a bookmark for a passage they underlined about thanking our soldiers for delivering to us the freedom that we enjoy. I cannot believe the support that they have found in their community, it was just so wonderful that I cannot express my own gratitude for the true loveliness and kindess that people have shown them after such a long, hard road that they both traveled these past 9 months. (Pregnant lady tearing up again).

I told you it was really a sight to behold to see the flags lining the streets for him and I finally have a second to post some pictures of it.

HAPPY HOMECOMING, BROTHER IN LAW!!!

We're in Washington, D.C. right now and it has been one big adventure to say the least. I alluded to our trip last week but I couldn't say where we were going because we were coming up for my BROTHER IN LAW'S surprise welcome home party and he reads the blog sometimes and I am not a good secret-keeper. It's also why my sister and I have been on blogging hiatus. As always on our family trips, there were a multitude of mishaps which I will blog about later (faulty brakes on our rental car, leaving luggage behind, losing our stroller, etc etc). But there's so much good news, and it is soooo good I must say because I was crying on and off all day Saturday but I am quite sure that it was a mix of hormones and happiness (I can't imagine the sheer joy that my sister and brother-in-law's family were experiencing simultaneously). First, we had a welcome home party with family at his favorite place in the whole world: Capitol City Brewery. He had no idea we were all here at all (along with a news crew!) After dinner, all the women took off early (using excuses like putting kids to bed, letting the guys hang out for a beer, yada yada) and instead we went back to their house to decorate for the after-party to include their friends too. When the guys rolled up with Zach, not only were there flags lining the streets, there was a group of men and women, part of the Patriot Guard Riders, holding flags lining the streets, their neighbors came out and we were all ringing cowbells (more cowbell!) It was a sight to behold! HE IS HOME!! SAFE AND SOUND!! People still walk by and come up to their place to read the banner draped across the front of their condo. It is all so touching. Like the people who come up and shake his hand and say "thank you" to him. And yesterday a woman passing by in her car stopped, put the car in reverse to read the banner outside, saluted from the driver's seat, and drove off. I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it. I don't even think she knew we were watching from inside. To top everything off this weekend, we were all sitting around their new condo and Poops just got up by himself in the middle of the floor and stood for the first time!!!!! No hands! Finally! Now we are just waiting for him to take a few steps.

FOX5 in Washington, D.C. did a story on his homecoming and how my sister coped with his deployment and you can see it here. It really is hilarious! Not to mention, Poops makes his first cameo appearance in the video of the welcome home.

Finally, today is Memorial Day, and as one soldier returns home safely, we must remember the men and women still fighting overseas and the many who have lost their lives. We pray for you everyday and love all of you! Thank you for your service!

Unfair Idol

I have always been a Jordin fan. Last week, I became a Blake fan. (Obviously so did a lot of people). So naturally I thought it would be a tough race to the finish. Until the last song. I just have to ask (in a very loud voice with a curse word or two placed in between): WHY WOULD SOMEONE MAKE BLAKE SING THAT SONG???? "This is My Now." ?????????? What?????
I wanted Jordin to win but not like this. I really think that giving a Christian-rock sounding song to a Maroon 5 beatboxer is pure sabotage and just plain wrong. This is the type of song that Jordin lives to sing. She, of course, was brilliant at it and she even cried at the end. It was totally her song. It is a girly, voicy song and the only male who would have sounded good singing this song would be Clay Aiken. And you could just tell that not only was it not a Blake song and that he sounded ridiculous singing it (all who were in attendance watching it at my house cringed the entire time), but that he hated it just as much as we did hearing it! I am sad. Blake was completely hosed. I mean, yes, it is a singing competition and Jordin has proven to be the best singer in the competition. But come on! This is a million bazillion dollar show. I am sure that they would have the resources to come up with two songs, one to suit each singer in the finale. Could you imagine if Chris Daughtry was in the top two last season and had to sing that pile of crap? I am finding myself actually typing hard at the keys which means I am apparently more passionate about this than I thought as I punch away. Of course it may be because it's 11:20 and I have to hightail it to bed because Poops is going to be up at the buttcrack of dawn and no matter how often I wake up early I will never ever in my life be a "morning person". But anyway, that's my feeling on the subject. Jordin wins. Blake was hosed. Unfair Idol. And Colonel Randy Jackson looked like he was about to take part in a Civil War re-enactment.

On another note (ba dum chhhh) it's been another really busy week. I had a follow up doctor's appointment today since my high blood pressure two weeks ago which I am happy to report appears to be a fluke, according to today's readings. I have purchased a blood pressure machine and try to take my blood pressure multiple times throughout the day (it's interesting to see my blood pressure after a tiff with husband -- which is surprisingly not high despite the feeling of boiling blood) but it has not been alarming once and that's a good thing. (41 weeks and I mean it!) And, it's the last week of my first trimester (yay!!!! two weeks to butt shots!) and I have only gained 5 pounds despite the consumption of Chinese food, pizza, ice cream, soda, donuts, (please stop me, I'm showing the world my terrible eating) and other indiscretions (yay me!)

I have highlighted my hair and it is VERY blonde in many many places. I have for several years now turned my light mousy brown hair into a red-slash-auburn shade so that is what everyone is very used to. But I have decided I needed a change and I am going lighter and let me tell you, light it is! I have to get used to seeing myself in the mirror. Twice now I thought someone else was walking toward me.

Also, we're going out of town Thursday and I've been getting ready for that. My very best friend and her boys are staying with us this week, so that means trips to the zoo and the beach. And finally, our car is in the shop and husband has started classes for his MBA. It's been crazy around here! We like to lump everything into the same week. Lastly, Poops continues to increase his vocabulary which is very exciting to me. I am convinced (and a little scared) that I may not be able to pick up on this new "baby" language which is really just one sound in a multiple-syllable word. I worry that one needs special hearing to understand it. I watch in awe as other parents listen to tiny voice saying "ed ayne" (what sounds like jibberjabber babbletalk to me) and then say in return, "Yes! That is the red train! Very good!" I worry he is probably saying much more than I can actually "hear". So until I can actually write them all down on a regular piece of paper, this is what I have deciphered so far: Mama (sadly only in association with wanting food or more food), Dada (always in glee. little boogie.), door (pronounced "Duh"), kitty cat (pronounced "Keeeeeeeee!"), sky (pronounced "KYE!"), banana (pronounced "nana") and I think that's it. We're getting there. I have been trying to teach him the following: "Excuse me, Mother, but if you wouldn't mind perhaps handing me another piece of toast at your earliest convenience, I would be most appreciative," but it hasn't taken yet. Another couple months.

Busy Busy Busy

It's been a busy week! I haven't been on in a few days except to wish the Moms a Happy Mother's Day. We had a really fun one. My mom, mother-in-law, grandma, aunt, sister-in-law and husbands all converged upon my house and we had a lovely dinner (thanks to my mother-in-law!) and wonderful desserts, which the guys made. (My dad makes an amazing rice pudding that I've been craving for weeks!-- And my uncle made chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwiches, and there were tons of chocolate chip cookies the size of my face left over and let's just say there aren't anymore!) Poops got me the most wonderful softy pink robe from Brookstone and a prenatal massage from the spa (which I am sooo looking forward to tomorrow!) How did he know???? This robe is like heaven. I don't ever want to get dressed which would mean getting out of this wonderful robe. If only I could put clothes on and trapse around in my robe all day anyway. And just so you know, anything that is made of a cloth that is purchased at Brookstone is --in one word-- marvelous. Socks, blankets, robes, pillows, all of it. Marvelous. I digress. But I'm sitting in my robe right now, so I'm blinded.

We had our giant ominous, dangerous pine tree taken out this week which I was surprisingly happy to see go (no more sap stains on the car--no more pine needle carpet on the grass). I am not in the habit of taking out trees--quite the opposite in fact. We moved into our neighborhood because of all the trees. But this one was one of the tallest in the entire neighborhood, and it was split at the top and starting to die and with hurricane season just weeks away, it probably wouldn't have made it through a big storm without crashing through our house, so we removed it just to be safe along with tons of old brush. So our yard is now one step closer to not looking like a jungle and I am so excited at the prospect of taking Poops outside to play in the yard. Yes, our grass and yard is such crap right now that playing outside means going to the park. So sad. But we're close. Next step: new sod.

My feelings on the Gilmore Girls series finale: crushed. The episode was good, but I feel about this series finale like I did about The O.C. I feel like Rory and Lorelai are living life right now in Stars Hollow, just as Ryan and Seth are in Orange County, the only difference is we aren't tuned in. I am so invested in these characters that I feel like they are real people living their lives right now, still. I will miss them so.

Melinda! Shocker! I really thought it was Blake.

Happy Friday! Tomorrow it's off to the spa I go and I can't put it into words just how much I am looking forward to it. This particular spa is one in which you walk around in a robe all day long. No it is not my Brookstone robe, but it is a robe and being allowed to walk about in a robe is a dream of mine as you know. And tomorrow's also a big day for my sister! Her husband's big old Marine boots should be on the ground in North Carolina!! She's headed down there to meet him so I know that will be one big-time emotional day for them. Love you guys!

Do You Still Shop In the Juniors Section?

My sister is taller than me and paper thin. I am not. I got the short genes and the ones that retain everything (i.e. water, calories, the kitchen sink). But I don't have much up top so I can still every once in a while peruse the Juniors section for a tee-shirt. They're much cuter than the ones in the Misses or Ladies section, so sometimes I feel as if I'm caught between worlds and I don't want to let the Juniors section go. My sister of course still completely gets away with full-blown Juniors-shopping because she's in her mid-20's and still tiny. As my 30's were approaching, it used to be that I would kind of tiptoe into the Juniors section and duck my face behind racks while I tore quickly through styles and sizes. Now, I am getting well into my 30's and probably obviously so, so I don't actually go in (that's just silly!), but if I happen to see a cute shirt in the Juniors section that might have piqued my interest from afar, I might be known to snatch it off the rack and run to the dressing room. So the question is, anyone still shopping in Juniors?

To everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful day off today!!! And Happy Mother's Day, especially to my mom, my best friend, my confidant, the strongest woman I have ever known. I love you, Mom!

Shot in the Butt

In a couple of weeks I'll be starting weekly progesterone shots that last through 36 weeks or until the end of my pregnancy whichever comes first (of course I'm counting on an uncomfortable 41 week pregnancy this time around--as I have said and will continue saying until my uncomfortable 41 weeks is up). I was teetering on whether I should do this treatment for a while now, but I've decided to go ahead with it. It's a relatively common injection for women who have had a previous premature birth and are on their second pregnancy. One of the doctors in my group recommended it, and I discussed it with another one of my doctors on Monday and we decided, "why not?" I've read a lot of literature on it and pretty much all of the studies, and they all say the same thing: with no side effects, there is really no reason not to do it. Except that the shot is in the butt and it's described as a "painful shot" and I am a complete wimp. But that's really not a reason to not do it. It's just a reason to dislike doing it. But as long as I'm doing something in a situation I have very little control over anyway, I will have to view this shot in the butt as "empowering" and proactive. It's not entirely clear what the progesterone does, but its successes are pretty good, preventing prematurity in about 34% of at-risk women. That's good news.

But talking to all these people about taking the shots does very little to help me keep my positive "let's-go-41-weeks-attitude" at its maximum, peak level. I've gone between speaking to my doctors' office and my insurance company about a dozen times over the past few days and just talking to them makes the possibility of having another premature birth very real. My insurance company is working to find a home health aide who will come to my house and explain to my husband and I how to use the shots, and also someone who will come to my house weekly after week 22 and track my progress and talk about premature labor with me. I understood all of this, was briefly comforted by the fact that there is treatment and help coming right into my house, then I hung up and cried. On and off for most of the day. And I called my mom during one of those "I want my mommy moments" sobbing to her, "I don't want another premature labor..."

If it weren't for my already raging hormones, I probably would not have completely lost control of myself for the day. And worrying about having another preemie will really only increase the stress and the headaches, which isn't good for anyone. But everyone has to have their moments, right? For the most part, I keep that 41-week attitude and I will after today. I promise. Until I am hunched over with my pants down and my husband is jabbing me in the ass with a needle. Quite a visual, huh? For better or for worse!

Contests Galore!!

Happy almost Mother's Day all you mommies out there! This is super exciting--the wonderful ladies at 5 Minutes for Mom are holding a slew of more contests! Including one for a mommy makeover book, a baby sling, and my personal favorite, an I-Pod Nano and a box of chocolates!!! I've noticed that I'm one of the only ones left with the dinosaur I-Pod Mini and I just got it two years ago! How can it be obsolete already?? I can't keep up. And, well, the chocolates are just a bonus. So head on over there and enter!

He's Comin Home Folks!

Remember this mug from my sidebar? That's my brother-in-law and he is on his way home! His big old Marine boots are off the Iraqi ground and officially in the air. My sister is so excited she cries at the mere thought of it! (I wish I could hug you right now AnnaMary!) So head on over to "Old Man Hancock" and send her a thought or two. The homestretch is officially here. Can't wait to see you, Old Man! More cowbell!

Fig Update

So the fig is doing well, growing and beating away. And meantime I am waiting eagerly for that second trimester second wind because this sitting around in pajamas till 3:30 with pots in the sink watching The Holiday is a little over the top. Yep, looking forward to that energy surge. Last year I had so much energy I was cleaning everything top to bottom and while kneeling around in my closet I tore my cartilage in my knee and needed knee surgery in my sixth month. Oh the terror! (It was a lovely sight, a non-showered me, stuck on the floor, six months pregnant, having to crawl to a phone across the house in complete agony.) Fortunately, I had a great surgeon, but what really did it for me was the phone call I got from one of the OB doctors in my group, who reassured me countless times that the baby would do fine in surgery and that the surgery was necessary. (My knee was locked in place by the torn cartilage. Good times.) Anyway, that is the doctor I had Monday at my checkup. I didn't think he'd remember that fateful conversation last year and how he saved my emotional life, but he said it as soon as he walked in and when there's a group of doctors I always wonder who remembers who and what but he did and that's a good sign. The first thing out of his mouth: "Nothing going on besides a bum knee, I hope?" I went on to thank him, endlessly, in person for calling me back when the nurse said there was no guarantee a doctor would be able to call me back even though surgery is scheduled for 7am the next morning (what kind of crap is that?)

Everything went pretty well Monday except my blood pressure which was a little elevated and the first thing I thought was, crap. Not again. Not this early. I am hoping and praying it really was just a fluke. I was coming off a 14 hour migraine, so was the blood pressure still high because of the migraine? Or did I have a migraine because of the blood pressure? It's the chicken and the egg thing. I'm going back to the doctor in two weeks instead of the usual four to make sure, and I'm having to get a blood pressure machine to check it at home myself, but I'm going with the whole, everything is just fine-thing and I'm still banking on a 41 week pregnancy. Yes. We're going late this time. Fig's gonna take his or her time.

And Then There Were FOUR

Who will become MY American Idol? Every week I sit here and passionately tell my little tale of who's who. It's not even like I can help it. I like this stupid show and I have an addiction. I need help.

Anyway, in the competition that nets more votes than our national elections (so sad, isn't it?) it is a two song night and a Bee Gees night and there are four left. I can tell you right now, I've heard enough of the Bee Gees on the 8 track player in my parents' van that I wasn't really looking forward to the night because honestly the Bee Gees are the Bee Gees and I just feel funny listening to some fetus singing their songs, especially when they are Bee Gees (plural), not Bee Gee, and they even sound like more than one, so solo Bee Gee? Make me a believer.

The very recently-neckful Melinda sang that Inside and Out song. I have to hand it to the night, these songs sure bring me back to those impressionable ages of 4 and 5 years old. My hippie-looking mother and father coming out of the 60's and wearing their long hair and tight pants (yes, both of them) with their red Scooby Doo van. Anyway, nothing special about Melinda's performances, but honestly, the songs are so mellow, how can anyone completely rock out anyway? Paula called her a "brilliant technician." I think a hot fudge sundae is in order.

What was with Blake's first ridicu-get-up he was wearing? Was he performing some sort of tribute to Dr. Evil who got kicked off last week? Actually, he looked like a cross between Dr. Evil and the evil Chinese villain in Rush Hour. I forget his name. Anyway, still closing my eyes and cringing a bit to the beatboxing. Beatboxing the Bee Gees. Hmm. Not really a fan. I can say with certainty, Blake is not my American Idol. Maybe he's yours. Good luck with that.

So when Lakisha started singing "Staying Alive" I got excited because I forgot about that one! What a great song! I think Blake would have done that song much better than the ones he chose, and definitely better than Lakisha who kind of gospeled it out. Eh. Her second song wasn't much better.

Jordin really has one of the best voices ever. I really love her! (No dress with pants, no dress with pants). But she really does rock. (Must have straightest teeth ever.) Husband just said, "She's gonna win." And sipped his coffee. I think he's right. Of course, I'm not voting so I won't have anything to do with it.

No, Judge Judy appearing as if out of nowhere, nooooo! Worlds are colliding.
Anyway, this week it's Lakisha and Blake as the bottom two. On to the Deadliest Catch. Don't worry, I won't update you on a bunch of crabbers.

Happy Fifth of May!

I guess I can google why we celebrate Cinco De Mayo, but yes I'm that lazy, so I'll go with the same reason we celebrate St. Patty's Day: another reason to drink! Not me, of course, I had meself a virgin pina colada like a good old pregnant girl which was surprisingly tasty I might add. But I made some margaritas, enchiladas, empanadas, and rounded up some Corona Light and we had ourselves a little fun with some friends. The empanadas were good but the dough I used wasn't my favorite because they really turned out looking just like puffs. I'll have to work on that.

OK I couldn't help myself I had to google it. Cinco De Mayo has something to do with a battle the Mexicans won against the French who landed in Mexico and some traitor Mexican troops. It isn't Mexico's Independence Day, the country actually declared its independence in September (1810). So there you have it. I'll drink to that! (Water, of course).

Thursday Thirteen #25

13 CRAVINGS AND AVERSIONS THIS PREGNANCY

(And yes, this is a very revealing TT for me, as I am admitting to caving into most, if not all, of my cravings. And they are not good. In fact, as I was writing this, I realized that there are (ahem) more cravings than aversions on this list.)

1. Craving: Loving so much the Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles. My only recourse on this one is the skim milk I use. My Pebbles were just on sale on a buy one/get one free deal this week!! WooHoo!! Yay me! All stocked up!
2. Aversion: Chicken. I can still eat it fried and/or buffalo-style but the chicken soup and the chicken breast and the beautiful chicken I make in the crock pot in my Spanish Chicken recipe are all off the list. I can't even think about it without getting that awful nauseous feeling. Moving on quickly.
3. Craving: Tuna. Not such a good one because there are restrictions on how much tuna one eats because of the mercury in it. But besides the mercury, it's healthy in small quantities. One healthy craving for me! I sweat feverishly until Wednesday each week when I splurge and get me a tuna sub.
4. Aversion: Coffee. Stinky!! I am just not feelin the coffee these days which is probably good because I can ditch the caffeine but man, do I need my caffeine. Big time.
5. Craving: Hot fudge. This one was for a while at the beginning and thankfully I am off it. Sometimes I crave something, eat so much of it for a few days, then I'm off it for the rest of the pregnancy. Probably for the best with this one.
6. Aversion: The ham on the eggs benedict I had Sunday at breakfast after church. Raunchy, smoky, disgusting. It's amazing what your tastebuds will pull on you all of a sudden. (The eggs and the sauce and the muffins were great!) Anyway, methinks I may be off ham in general. That would be my sister's greatest nightmare ever. She's the biggest ham-lover I have ever known hands down.
7. Craving: Pizza Hut breadsticks. Big time! This actually settles my stomach when I can't think of anything else in the world to eat for dinner. I love these! They are crispity and crunchity on the outside and soft and lovely on the inside. So soooothing. MMMMMMMMmmmmm.

8. Craving: Bagels. Sigh. I went from my 80 calorie slice of whole wheat bread a morning to my 280 calorie everything bagel. But I need it. I really do.

9. Another craving: Donuts. First, Dunkin Donut Jelly Donuts with the sugar on the outside. I drove all over looking for a Dunkin Donuts in an area I didn't really know. Found one. No jelly donuts. Got strawberry stuff inside instead. Got home. The lady lied! Surprise!!! They were mostly jelly! (I had gotten six). YAY ME! (No, I didn't eat them all in one sitting.) Oh, then there were the Entenmanns chocolate covered donuts which my husband and I both pummeled. They didn't even have a chance.

10. Craving: Exotic rainbow sherbet Publix brand. Boy has this also done wonders to settle my stomach. And it's not that bad for you either! Yay me again!

11. Craving: Salmon. This worked well when I would do the lunch special at Red Lobster. But then one day I wanted the salmon at Bonefish Grill which is a bit on the pricey side. Oh yes, and the "Bang Bang Shrimp" which are spicy breaded saucy little delicious shrimps that are amazing. Dinner for one: $25. Husband not happy. Have not repeated this craving.

12. Craving: Italian food, any. Big fan of the Italian food these days. There's something comforting about spaghetti and anything parmesan, especially Fettuccine Alfredo, which I limit to once a year seriously, because its buttery cheesy goodness is just so bad (but so good). I have fulfilled my Alfredo sauce quota already in April. What to do.

13. Vanilla yogurt. This was a huge one for me in the beginning. I would just eat big huge bowls of plain vanilla yogurt and gross my mom out. I was so obsessed with it, I'd have to stop at the store immediately if I was about to run out. That craving's over sadly. But I was proud of that one. It was a low-fat choice. Those now are so few and far between.

What were your cravings and aversions????? Happy tt!!

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Idol

I called it! Chris and Dr. Evil! I'm just sayin.

Idol Two-fer

Oh boy! Two people are headed home tonight on Idol and still I think, why is this so important to me? OK, and Jon Bon Jovi. First, YAY! Second, at least two contestants barely even knew who he was! How can one escape the sounds of Jon Bon Jovi for an entire 18 to 20 years? Is it possible? Honestly? Never heard of Jon Bon Jovi? Ridiculous! (Are we that old?)

So anyway, I gotta air my predictions early in the post. Dr. Evil and Chris I think are the weakest links. Although, it's so hard to say at this point who's going because they are all just really good. But I still can't watch Phil and listen to him at the same time. I have to close my eyes. Chris sang one of my favorite songs, which is also the theme song to Deadliest Catch on Discovery which we watched immediately following Idol by the way. But Chris Daughtry sang it so well last year that you honestly thought he was a cowboy on that steel horse he rides, I mean actually believed it. So good, in fact, that the Justin Timberlake-sounding version was just sub-par. But good try. He was right, though, how can you have Bon Jovi night without someone singing that song?

My friend Jordin totally looked the part when she sang You Give Love a Bad Name, but I had to laugh when Simon said she looked like something out of the Addams Family. She did have a bit of a Bride of Frankenstein thing going, although I actually liked it. And despite the judges, I actually liked her performance. I've tried to karaoke that song before and those low man-notes are a killer. It's like singing/screaming "Pour Some Sugar on Me." Just not a good song.

I wish they'd stop trying to stuff Lakisha in that tiny cup of a barstool to answer viewer e-mails. I'd have refused too! Barstools do nothing for belly fat and thighs. Especially on TV. I didn't really know the song she picked but she did rock it out. Enough for a stay at least another week.

Simon said half of everyone would either love Blake's performance or hate it. I was somewhere in between. I watched it through my fingers because singing a classic like that made me somewhat nauseous, but it was kind of cool. In a totally weird kind of way. Maybe I still can't figure out if I liked it or not.

Lastly, our little Melinda Do-Little. I can't see her winning American Idol, but I really can't see her getting voted off either! I am in such an odd place with her too! She looked and played the part so well, she can seriously transform herself to sing any song or genre and it's really quite impressive. So, in sum, I think it's Phil and Chris to go home and anyone else I'd be surprised.

Puke or Cry? Aye, There's the Rub

Tiny little Kumquat is wreaking havok upon my hormones. I am one giant ball of hormone. One minute I want to puke. The next I want to cry. Sometimes I want to do both. But since I have a long record of non-puking that I am trying desperately to uphold, I choose crying. Do not get me wrong, I am not complaining about this. I am simply stating this as fact. Of course, to actually say that I am blessed with long, giant waves of nausea is a stretch, but as long as I have them I am encouraged that this wonderful babyprocess is continuing successfully and for that I am comforted. That being said, I can't eat anything. I munch slowly and methodically on Keebler Club crackers because I hate Saltines. And I sip on Sprite because I ran out of Ginger Ale. This helps. But I can't even actually think about a real meal. Last night, dinner was Pizza Hut breadsticks. They are so warm and inviting and settling, all parmasany and crusty on the outside and soft on the inside. Like a warm Spring day. Many people say, Christie, just give in. Hurl. But to that I say, "No way!" I think I'd rather eat my arm than throw up. No matter how much my mouth salivates and my jaw gets weak and I feel like sprinting for the commode. It's not like the hangover throw-up when you're actually expelling toxins from your body and you have a shot at feeling better afterward. My hormones will still be there when I'm done, and instead, I fear I will have broken the seal and from there on it will be continuous. So no breaking the seal! I've carved out a place in the corner of the couch where I've spent most of the last couple of days sitting still and trying to think of Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day to deter thoughts of nausea. Quick movements make me nauseous. Loud noises make me nauseous. The smell of anything, like Poops' plain ravioli that usually has no smell, took on the smell of wet dog and made me nauseous. My husband, though, is a complete gem. Coming home from a long day of work and making us dinner because I feel like crap and am in the mood for nothing. And he takes care of Poops who is teething again and in rare, very unhappy form, taking him out for a wagon ride and leaving me to my nausea. Bringing me Sprite in bed. Wearing his tee-shirt that says "Pregnancy Support Team". Gotta love him!! Oh, and not to mention what a bad lazy wife/mother I feel like because I'm feeding my family crap. OK not Poops, cause he still eats good with a variety of veggies and fruits and proteins and dairy because that I'm anal-retentive about. But I have things in the house that usually never make it past the front door. Sherbet, donuts, pizza, pasta, everything I wouldn't dare eat while not pregnant are the only things I can seem to nibble on and find the slightest bit appetizing. At the beginning, I was so excited and gung ho, thinking "This time I'll do it healthy! I'll eat salads and protein and cottage cheese and lowfat yogurt and wheat bread and healthy snacks. I'll be the healthiest pregnant lady ever!" Phooey! Honestly, when I'm struggling to hold anything down, reaching for the crisp salads and vegetables and Wasa bread are really the last thing on my mind. Is that bad? So that's what I've been doing lately. I hate to post about negative-sounding things, I mean, who wants to read about my crap? Especially when we have two American Idol contestants being voted off tonight! As tempting as it is to lay around in my spot on the couch for the rest of the afternoon, I'm headed out to actually shop for non-crap food if possible and do a bunch of errands, maybe even stop for a coffee and just sit. That sounds like a plan.

Sidelined

So that whole spotting thing ended up lasting about 2 1/2 weeks. How annoying! I called the doctor when it first happened and she said wait it out and see if you miscarry (which was just the most comforting thing you can ever hear). Then I called again a few days later when it continued, but it was much less. They said that was good. Fast-forward to a week later, still going, but not that much, just there, and still. So I went in for another sonogram and ship-shape! Things were going swell and they even found the source of the bleeding which was the placenta digging into my uterus. We say the baby just made a "hard landing." So with a big sigh of relief last week and a few happy tears, I went merrily along on my way hoping I could continue my normal workouts that I'd been asked by the doctors to postpone until the spotting stopped. Now finally it has stopped (now officially day 7 of no spotting) and I call gleefully to hopefully return to working out, but no, not until next week's appointment for another check.

Um. I can just feel myself getting fatter. Good news is the scale has not moved. But my cravings are becoming increasingly unhealthy (fettuccine alfredo, fish sticks, eggs benedict) and red alarms are going off all around me and I have to offset them! I have to get to the gym! Stat! I feel like all my progress is rapidly deteriorating. Yes, I could just try and ignore these cravings of mine and substitute healthier options, but what fun would that be? Besides, there is nothing that I want to eat. I am so hungry but I am not in the mood for anything. Ever. And I hate things like chicken (for now) and pork. So when I finally find something I am willing to eat without gagging the whole time, I find the need to obey my hunger. That usually means some sort of ridicu-carb. I guess if I'm looking at things in the cup-full type of way, at least I'm wayy less into ice-cream than I was last time around. Does that count? I am so looking forward to the beginning of the 2nd trimester in a couple weeks when I get so much energy it's like I'm on a never-ending supply of Red Bull. And the healthy stuff sounds much more appetizing.

So not 3 miles

The walk was so much fun! I had a tearful moment standing there looking all around me seeing little kids and strollers everywhere and all the hundreds of people around me walking for the same cause. It was wonderful. I also saw a few people I used to work with at the tv station I used to work for who were covering the walk and that was nice. (The station was one of the sponsors). It was an absolutely gorgeous day and as we were watching the pedometer on the jogging stroller, we noticed it wasn't quite 3 miles but instead almost 6. And at the end, the first-trimester-tireds got me and I felt like I was going to fall over and die and I found out that I think I have a knot in my butt (or at least lower back) because man, that hurt. But the walk was awesome and it's yet another post best told by pictures. Till next year!!!

Dad, Mom-In-Law, Hubby and Poops (We missed my mom on walk day, she was a little under the weather. Love you, mom!!)

Me and Poops

Why wouldn't we seen an alligator (or two) in the pond we were walking around?? Believe it or not, we were walking right next to a bald man pushing a stroller, who just happened to also be an alligator wrestler. I felt so safe! It was like the time I took a flight that not only had the priest who married us on it, but Hulk Hogan, would you believe, and I thought, this is the safest flight ever! If something happens, we'd have one to give the smackdown, and one to pray that we all make it safe!

My dad alligator wrestling. (He is not a professional).

Walking walking walking

Who doesn't love blue ice pops!!!!

$691

That's the final tally! Almost $700! I'm so grateful to all of you for donating to the March of Dimes and for contributing to the fight against prematurity. Thank you again and I know I keep saying this, from the absolute bottom of my heart! The cattle call for the walk is at 7am so we'll be up much earlier than that. Hopefully the migraine will be gone by then. Time for some shut eye! I'll catch up tomorrow! XO Thank you one million billion kooplazillion!

One Square?

I don't know why I keep thinking about this and maybe if I write this I can get it out of my system. But I have a message for Sheryl Crow. Sheryl dear, there is no way in the world I can use just one square of toilet paper. I am quite glad now that we do not run in the same circles, because I would be uncomfortable shaking hands if we did. I have thought about this "one square" proposal of yours often, and as much as I, too, would like to save the world and be environmentally conscious, I think that the one-square thing is impossible. Let's go with the energy-efficient light bulbs, low flow showerheads and electric cars first, k?

A Headache, A Bathing Suit, and Wet Pants

I have a headache big time. I woke up with it at 2am and took my pregnancy-approved migraine pills and it went away. Only to return again around 6 when Poops woke up crying. I wanted to go in and console him and say something like "It's still sleepy time" (more of a begging type plead), which he wouldn't have liked but he would have understood and then return to bed, but there was no stopping this crying. So the whole family was up at 6. This is early for me. I don't even like the normal 7am thing, but I live with it. My wishlist would be 7:30. When I think about 7:30, I go into a daydream-like trance and I get all warm and fuzzy and feel like Calgon just took me away. I just don't work well early. I used to write for the morning news shows, which meant getting into work at 4 am and that was really rough for me. I call those the dark days. Going to work when it's still dark is just not natural.

So yesterday I went bathing suit shopping which was, of course, as always, magical. Unfortunately, I am not the woman who was blessed with a pregnancy without stretchmarks no matter how much I slathered on the cocoa butter, so I had to factor this into my suit-buying. And I also wanted to make sure I was going to accomodate my eventually expanding belly, so I ended up with a sort of "tankini" sort of thing. It's green. It didn't look that bad in the dressing room, but I pulled it out of the bag at home yesterday and thought, sheesh that's green. Even typing "green" makes the swimsuit seem somehow greener and I am beginning to rethink my purchase. Maybe the classic black would have been a better choice. I got the afternoon "off" yesterday because my mother-in-law was able to come over and watch Poops while I ran some errands. I relished the silence of being alone because I think besides a short drive to a friend's house this week, I haven't been actually alone, all by myself, in quite some time. Sometimes I miss that. I need it. I don't even turn the radio on in the car because I love the quiet. Of course, what do I do with my time off but choose bathing suit shopping. But you know what? It wasn't actually that bad. I gained a bit of weight with Poops' pregnancy. Despite my efforts, I only lost about 10 pounds of the weight that settled in after the hospital (at the hospital, I actually lost 25 pounds which was part baby, but mostly water from preeclampsia-yes, almost 20 pounds in water. You should have seen my face.) So I won't do the math, but because I am pregnant now again, before I was able to rid myself of all of the babyweight, I now have to put dieting on hold and own it. So that's what I'm doing. I won't be like this forever, I refuse. But I can't do anything about it at this moment except watch how much I gain. So too bad. If you have to see me on the beach in a bathing suit, you're just going to have to get over it. I have. I just gotta own it for now. I live in Florida and I'm staring down the barrel of a partial summer pregnancy, so I am wearing tanktops and a bathing suit and I am going to own it! Even around my skinny size 2 post-baby girlfriends. Jerks.

Oh, also I sat in water. You would think I'd learn because this is the second time this has happened. I have a giant water bottle with a straw that hides under a thingy when you push it. I put the water bottle on the driver's seat and went into the mall. When it's hot, this particular water bottle tends to leak out the straw, I don't know why, I think something about the water expanding, and it goes right up and out of the straw by itself. This time, all over my seat. But I didn't notice it until I got out of the car to go into CVS to refill a prescription that my entire butt was soaked. That moment of realization when you feel something cool on your backside, which is, of course, the breeze on your wet butt. So I am inside, continually pulling down my shirt in the back as far as it will go, but of course it doesn't hide the whole butt because my shirt is not that long, but I totally need this prescription so I gut it out and wait. Eventually my name is called and a line forms behind me as I'm paying for my prescription and I'm paying and pulling on the back of my shirt simultaneously and I realize the drugstore is probably the worst place to have wet my pants because the whole line is probably thinking I'm picking up a prescription for incontinence. Well I owned that too. I walked out with my prescription with my head held high. Oh well! There's something about getting older that makes you care just a little less each year about what other people think. Happy Friday! Have a wonderful weekend! I'll post our walk pics tomorrow!

Thursday Thirteen #24

13 REASONS I'M WALKIN FOR PREEMIES THIS WEEKEND

1. I have one of my own.

2. I don't know why. I suspect it was because of preeclampsia but I can't know for sure. Most moms never know for sure why.

3. More than 1,300 babies will be born prematurely just today alone.

4. Going through labor when you know it's too soon is terrifying.

5. I don't want other parents to feel that feeling of overwhelming helplessness and anger and fear.

6. Though the NICU nurses and doctors are wonderful angels for caring for our babies and working around the clock to save them, you're separated from your baby, in most cases, can't nurse him, and have to abide by visiting hours, for who knows how long. Days, weeks, or months.

7. But even worse, babies in the NICU, especially the very small ones, as Laura at Adventures in Juggling (who is a NICU nurse) put it (and I'll never forget reading this), "these tiny babies who do survive have endured pain that would make a big, bad grown man cry and faint."

8. It's heartbreaking!!!

9. Not to mention, it's expensive! The average cost of the birth of a healthy newborn is $1,700. A preemie's bill starts at $77,000.

10. More facts: Premature birth has increased 31% between 1981 and 2003.

11. Prematurity is the number one killer of newborns in America.

12. There may be some hope: progesterone injections may actually help for women who have already had a premature baby and are pregnant again. It's had a more than 30% success rate of preventing premature birth to women in their second pregnancy. You can read about it here.

13. Of course, if you want to donate, please click here! Happy Thursday Thirteen everyone!

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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I Can't Believe Our Walk is Saturday!!! Already!!

Well, our fundraising efforts for the March of Dimes are winding down. That was quick! The walk is this weekend and we are up to more than $540!! I set a really large goal of $2,000 and we didn't make it quite that far, but what we did raise so far was still a great accomplishment, so I am not disappointed. How could I be? I have some wonderful friends, relatives, and friends in the blogging community who have reached out to sponsor us. And I sincerely thank everyone who did, I just cannot begin to tell you how much it means to me that you supported a cause that has become so near and dear to my heart. (By the way, if you haven't sponsored us yet and you feel so inclined, please, by all means, feel free to click on the button with the little tiny baby Poops right there on the top of my sidebar to contribute! It takes you straight to the March of Dimes page.) Again, hugs and kisses to all of you.

Poops' birthday and this walk both really round out an eventful, emotional year for me. Today, I finished a scrapbook I've been working on of only the time we spent in the hospital NICU after Poops was born. Pictures of him in his incubator, his visitors, our hospital and NICU bracelets, an Easter card he got from a volunteer group, his discharge papers, footprints, the NICU handbook, all of it. I started working on it a few months ago because I thought it would be therapeutic for me and I couldn't have been more right. When Poops turned about 10 months old, I remember hearing someone say, if you don't move on from something traumatic in your life, you are literally punishing yourself day after day after day. Punishing yourself so that you remain in that day or period of your life and you live those days over and over again. The person called it "self abuse" and what you have to do is forgive yourself, thank God for the experience of it and move on. I wasn't sure if I was ready to move on at that moment, but I did realize that hey, that was me. I was stuck in that two-week period and I had to do something. That is the week I began to let it all go. I began the scrapbook. I joined the fight against prematurity by fundraising for the March of Dimes. And I had a dear friend of mine who also had a premature baby and by helping her, I realized I was also actually helping myself. This literally all happened within the same week. And I stopped crying every day. The fog lifted and I finally felt like celebrating. My healing had finally begun! Now, the same month Poops turns one, I am walking for prematurity and would you believe, I have also finished the scrapbook. Such a fitting end to a chapter of my life that I will always remember as a difficult blessing. It all seems to be coming to a close at the same time, and a new chapter is beginning, complete with another new life on the way! It brings a tear to my eye, but it is a happy one this time. So, I also found a couple other pictures while digging around in the files for the scrapbook and these I haven't seen since the week Poops was born. It brought back so many memories and was such a lovely surprise to see them after all this time. The one below is of Poops under the lamps that helped him with his jaundice. He had to wear this awful little purple cap and goggles that he couldn't see through and he hated so much when the nurses put it on him. While he was under the lamps, we literally only got to hold him for about 15 minutes every few hours, just to feed him, because he had to go back under the lamps. And we would flee the NICU quickly afterward because I couldn't bear the sound of his cries when the nurses put the headgear back on. The one below that is just us having a moment.

A Sanjaya-Free Idol

Yay! No riff-raff to clog up American Idol this week. Just a good, old-fashioned singing competition with actual good singers. I've been waiting so long.

So it was Idol Gives Back week and they were all singing "change the world" type of songs. We are actually voting this week because it's for charity but I'm not telling you who we're voting for (Jordin). This is a big deal. The last time I voted, I voted secretly for Diana DeGarmo and was outed by a friend of mine and I hadn't voted ever since.

So Chris opened it all up and did a great job singing an Eric Clapton song "If I Could Chaaay-ee-ange the World". Such a cutie. I don't think he'll win, but he deserves to be this far. Every time I see him, I think he looks like the baby that Derek Jeter might have if he made it with Justin Timberlake.

Melinda was next with some song by Faith Hill I didn't recognize but as always she rocked it. My husband and I were discussing whether or not Melinda had a "neck coach" because again, this week, her hair was done in such a way that revealed that she very much does have a neck, despite what we saw in the entire rest of the season, including auditions. And it's a nice neck. I only wonder if that was maybe her secret weapon to stay in the competition, to finally show it off in the last few weeks, or if the coaches reviewed the tape and decided that the neckless thing wasn't working out for her. Anyway, she truly is the resident pro as Randy called her. I can't see her ever being voted off, but I can't see her winning either. I see one of the trendier singers like Blake or Jordin actually winning. But again, I can't see her going away. She's just too good.

Then, Blake, who sang one of my favorite songs, Imagine, by John Lennon and it was pretty good but not win-it-all good. Lakisha did what she did last week and sang a former Idol tune and I am never a big fan of that but it was a song by Fantasia and it was ok. And I loved her dress by the way, but only the front. The back was a little, how do you say, not good.

Then there was Dr. Evil, Phil Stacey, who this week really wore the Dr. Evil suit only it was black and not gray. I have to close my eyes to listen to him because he has such a kick-ass voice but when I look at him singing I can't really believe that the voice I am hearing is coming out of that face. Not that he's a bad looking guy. He's just a little weird. And why did he wait until last week, by the way, to reveal he is actually a country singer? I had no idea! I thought he was that guy who didn't really have a genre, who might sing anything, whatever was pretty mellow mainstream. Turns out he's totally country! Maybe last week was the "reveal" week with him being all country and Melinda's neck making a first appearance. He sang Garth Brooks and it rocked.

I think I may have a minor girl-crush on Jordin. She is gorgeous and I just love her voice! And I still think it's hilarious how she towers over peensy little Ryan when they stand together. Husband says this week it's Lakisha's turn to take a bow, but I think it'll be Chris. But we both think it'll be Melinda and Jordin in the finals. We shall see. At least it won't be Sanjaya. Who, by the way, is EVERYWHERE! I cannot turn on the tv without seeing him and his hair doing a live interview on some show. OK, we get it. You're an entertainer, you want to do some acting, modeling and singing. Now please just go away for just a few minutes. You'll be famous no matter what, even if people don't like you. I have never quite seen such a popular guy with such a strong love-hate thing going on across the country, it reminds me a little of William Hung, only I think Sanjaya will actually make a tad more money out of it.

My Heroes

I should be napping right now because I'm exhausted and my eyes are closing involuntarily, and the little tantrum-thrower is sleeping soundly. But I'm blogging. Because I cannot contain my excitement for the season of Heroes starting again tonight and I have one main request to you, Heroes producers, directors, staff and actors: Please do not kill Peter Petrelli!!! He's my favorite character and last season we left him mid-scene with the bad guy, Sylar, beginning to saw his skull open in order to kill him and take his superpowers. Yes, it's gross, and if it's as gross tonight, I will have to watch some puppies and kittens frolicking across the tv screen afterward so I can sleep nightmare-less. My theory is that Peter will use one of his superpowers to become invisible and disappear, thus confusing Sylar, and saving the Indian professor who's pinned to the ceiling with an arrow, then using another superpower to take the professor and FLY FLY! If you're not a Heroes watcher, does this not intrigue you?????? Literally the most brilliant, genious show I have ever seen in my life. I am borderline obsessed.

So I will try and squeeze off a nap until I hear Poops stirring in the monitor. He has actually been a lot less tantrummy since the weekend and for that, I am quite thankful. Maybe he's getting over his bottle breakup. Maybe that was it, and he's done with tantrums now! Hey, everyone needs a fantasy.

Heroes. Tonight. NBC. 9PM!

My Kids Are Going to Rule Me and I'm Scared.

Sometimes I like to picture what it would be like if, in the real world, adults screamed their heads off when they were hungry, rubbed their red eyes and endlessly, erratically wailed when they were tired, or when they became frustrated, just tore up papers and broke things in complete, irrational anger. Or whined, "Noooooo, I want thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat one!" Or grunted over and over again wanting whatever someone else has. In business meetings. Or in the middle of the grocery store. Or in a restaurant. I think to myself sometimes, what if I just lost it right here (tearing at my hair like Kramer) because I am so hungry? Or I so desperately needed a nap and in the middle of a conversation just started rubbing my eyes and whining for no reason. In true, child fashion.

I introduce to you, the tantrum. I do not know from whence it has come, or why, but it has arrived and I'm none too happy. Mostly because when it happens, I have to figure out why it is happening. Is it because we gave up the bottle completely this week and he has lost his comfort and security in a sense? Is it because he's hungry and/or tired? Or is it because at age one, he is beginning to assert his independence and is trying to establish himself as a person? He is only one. But I swear, he is already a different boy. I try one tactic: completely ignoring him mid-tantrum. This makes him louder, more pissed off, and I ignore some more until it goes away and another one breaks out two seconds later. Or my second-string tactic, distracting him, giving him another toy, which he tries to rip up in frustration and anger. Or finally the third tactic. Throwing my hands up and giving up, surrendering and letting husband take over, or if he's not here, the good old Aquarium Swing. I feel like I am flailing out of control and he is going to own me and I see it coming and I am in a complete panic. He is only one and he is about to own me. He is about to plant his flag and stand on top of me like he has just conquered mom and he is only one.

Argh! I don't want to view this as battle. I want to view this as going into another stage, a journey, with all our supplies on our backs, going side by side, in a partnership, yet, with a clear, level-headed leader. This is my wishlist. But it's hard to be level-headed and patient when there is a clear melt-down standing there before your eyes and you just want to say, "Get ahold of yourself, man! We're going to make it through this!" But the meltdown continues, like we're both about at the end of our tether, chapped and frostbitten in the freezing cold of Mount Everest and the only option left is one of us eating the other one.

Maybe this is just a quick preview phase, gearing me up for a serious, even more scary phase two. Or maybe he is just lashing out because of his loss of the bottle, which makes me want to regress and take that lovely bottle out for his comfort, but alas, I will trudge on. This too, shall pass. I will continue my aforementioned tactics, even if I continue to feel like I am losing my grip. I will dig my heels in, for I shall not be conquered by a one-year-old. And I shall not regress, myself, to childish, tantrum throwing in response to a one-year-old's tantrum throwing. I shall maintain cool control and patience in the face of a meltdown. But seriously, all kidding aside. I WANT MY MOMMY!

Little Boy Tears

I admit that I am moved easily by the sight of man-tears or even boy-tears for that matter, so I did feel a tad bit bad for Sanjaya as he wailed on stage while watching his good-bye montage. But that's where it ends. Sorry, Sanjaya. But it's for the best. Bye!

The Killers and the Big Gong

***Update*** Yes, thanks Sparky, I forgot to mention best song! The classics were great, in fact the whole thing was great, but I loved Read My Mind, which he did not once, but twice, in the first set and again after the encore. They fooled the crowd into believing the concert was over, they jumped back on the stage after the encore and half the crowd who was halfway out the door all rushed back in to hear them. It rocked.


I love concerts. Last night we missed the inevitable fall of Sanjaya to see The Killers in concert and they rocked big-time. They played at USF where my husband and I both graduated from and some no-named band opened up for them. We went with a couple we knew back in college who also graduated from there and it was a real grown-up going out night with the kids at home with the Grandmas and the possibility of being out until the wee hours of midnight. Whoo-ee!! So we were trying to figure out where to go for dinner and we were naming off all our old haunts that were all now closed. I guess ten years would do that. Sniff. So we ended up at the old standby, Beef O'Brady's where everyone got to have beer but me. I tried to smell it to make me feel better, but that was just gross. Then as we were driving to the concert on campus, we passed all of the streets flanked with apartment complexes that everyone knew someone in back in "the day" and we remembered all the parties at every one of them and the strong possibility that there was a drunken night that spilled out into at least one of those parking lots, maybe even a drunken Irish jig that you could see from a balcony, and we all had a long conversation about how much we wish our children will grow up to be better than all of us. I remember us having a wipey board on the outside of our dorm room door listing who was having a party, when, and at which apartment complex. And we would line up our evening accordingly. Yes, my parents must be proud. Yet, as we're standing there all married with kids (and one on the way) and old, with our gray poking through, there is always some bit of longing at a concert at a college to be "one of them" again. The air was filled with giggling and mindless clacking by gaggles of skinny girls wearing precariously placed tube tops waiting in huge bathroom lines, only to like, take forever, because they like, totally have to pee, and return to the group of frat guys waiting outside for them holding their beers. Oh the memories. I do cringe thinking that I may have been one of them in a time where everything was just so important. But really what was important was that you got home before 4am to get in a good, solid, 3 hours sleep so you can get up at 7 to bang out that paper that's due for your 9:30 class. I was really proud of my ability to multitask. It made me what I am today.

Anyway, back to the actual concert. Boy do The Killers totally rock! I felt bad that I love them yet I only just downloaded their CD to my IPod last week. They had a huge gong on stage that I was excited about and I waited all night to see someone bang the crap out of it and they never did. What a tease! I'm now starting to make a tally on how many concerts I've seen pregnant. With Poops, it was U2, Billy Joel, and Cold Play, unless seeing Jerry Seinfeld do standup counts too, and that would be four. This time around, only The Killers, but it's still early. It's funny to have that big belly out at a concert. For some reason I feel so out of place, like I should be at home knitting some booties instead of rocking out at a concert. The crowds make me a little nervous because not everyone is looking for your big belly which seems so vulnerable and I have inner panic about guarding it. But what I love most about being out at a concert is how freeing it is. It makes me remember that I'm not just a mom, but I'm also still a pretty cool chick who still loves to completely rock out. And believe me, that's easy to forget with all of the birthday parties and trips to Gymboree and chats about poopy diapers.

Worlds are Colliding!

Either the world is spinning right off its axis, or Melinda Dolittle has a sexy side! I am flabbergasted! She was actually HOT last night! I never thought it possible! On the flip side, bandana-laden Sanjaya absolutely hit rock bottom and if he doesn't get voted off this week, I will be convinced that the earth is, indeed, about to spin right off its axis.

It was a jungle in here.

I've been consumed. This is the first time I've fired up the computer since Thursday. Who knew that planning a birthday party for a one year old would be this consuming???? I may have gone overboard. Who knows. But the days leading up to the party were a complete panic. Every day in the 7 day forecast was set to be beautiful. Except, of course, for Sunday, which had a 60% chance of rain. It was supposed to storm at 8am for only a 1/2 hour and move quickly. Then it was supposed to be nice, but very, very windy. 30 mph winds windy. And at 9 am, we still hadn't made a decision on whether or not we should still have it at the park, but we made a game-time decision that the wind would be just too much and our balloons and cake would be strewn around the playground if we even tried, so in the end, the weather won. We had it at our tiny house. It's not really tiny, but it is when you cram 30 people in there. We made the best of it though, we pushed all the tables against the walls and spread out all the food, made a mad dash to decorate, and there was sweating involved. But in the end, there was plenty of seating and open space for little people to play. I had a lot of fun with this jungle theme! I am so excited! I recommend it to anyone having a party. Plus you have tons of leftover decorations should you decide to have a luau in your backyard in the summer after you get it re-sodded. Ahem. Anyway, here's the cake table. The little bags on the left side are our favors for the adults, which were candy bars that gave proceeds to endangered animals. (My mom's idea). She wrapped them up in paper bags and we called them "Supply Rations."I made "Jungle Juice" (non-alcoholic) and each child got a safari hat and binoculars as part of their goodie bags and an animal sippie cup for the juice. I also had a kiddie snack table with grapes (labeled "snake eggs") and potato chips (labeled "beetle wings) and animal crackers and trail mix. This was an idea I got off the internet and it really was cute. So I can't take the credit. My journalistic ethics beg me to give credit to the mom who pioneered the Jungle themed kiddie snack table before me.
My dad made a cute safari jeep out of cardboard that we put around the little red wagon we bought Poops for his birthday, and the kids took turns sitting in it for pictures. He did such a good job!! It was so cute! He also as a bonus made a cardboard gorilla and cut the face out so kids could stick their faces in the hole and look like the gorilla. All this time and I never knew my Pops was this crafty. Snaps to Gampy! Here he is posing with Poops.
Poops had a blast and did really well double-fisting his smash cake. I was impressed. At age one, he demonstrates true eating abilities. I am not surprised that he excels in this area given our family history. On both sides.
It got a little messier than this of course, but not bad enough to require an outfit change. It was really fun, though! The jungle was cleaned up by 8 o'clock and you'd have hardly known we even had a party here. But man, I was leveled yesterday. Poops had his one year checkup which meant shots (oh yay!) and we slept for most of the day. We're all recuperated and the house is a disaster again. Just like it should be. Haha! Now I'm off to read blogs! Hope you had a great weekend!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE POOPS!!!

Oh my little Poops, I can't believe how it's been a whole year! Look at how much you've grown! You made such an entrance into this world and still you light up the room and the hearts of everyone in it every day. I can't believe how life has changed for all of us, how much greater it is, and how you've made every day worth it. All from just a tiny little you. I love you, little boy!
I really just can't believe how fast this year went. It's 9:30 am now, and right about this time last year I was scared out of my mind because my water had broke at midnight and I was about halfway through my 17 hours of labor. I was about to have a preemie. Although I guess I couldn't think about that too much, because all I could do was focus on the pain. Oh the pain! At 1 o'clock I gave in because I couldn't take it anymore. It was a swift kick in the stomach with every contraction and it knocked the wind out of me every time. Epidural, please! We delivered at 5:40. Little tiny boy 4lbs, 11 ounces and it's been a roller coaster ever since!

What a ride having a kid is, huh? My life is nearly unrecognizable now. But I have to say opening up our lives up to this tiny little guy was the most natural thing I have ever done. I never would have imagined this. I remember sitting in my tiny studio apartment on 49th street in New York City working at FOX News thinking I could really be 60 and single without children and love it. I walk downstairs and everything is right there. My deli. My job. My favorite restaurants. Bars. I loved my life. I didn't need anyone. I never had to check in. Then I married the love of my life, but I was almost 30! An old hag! Then we did all those married things, moved, bought a house, got pregnant. But the best part was falling in love with our baby, falling in love all over again with his daddy, and falling in love with my new life. It's amazing how fast things can change and how fast time passes. The twists and turns a life can take in just three years. Or even just a year for that matter. So, now there is a long, drawn out whining coming from the monitor, and it's coming from a birthday boy. And here's where I say, bye! I gotta go get a boy.

Embodiment of Latin Passion

That is Sanjaya. Just kidding. Although, to be perfectly truthful, and I can't believe I'm writing this out loud, but Sanjaya was the only one who "felt" his music on Latin night. I agree wholeheartedly with Simon, that it wasn't horrible. Do not get me wrong. I will never like Sanjaya and the way he makes love to the camera and makes me feel dirty and skeevy. But to me, all of the rest were just a bunch of people singing Latin songs. It may just be because I'm lazy right now, or that it really all was just so-so. Nothing stood out. If my husband was writing this, here's how it would go: Melinda: "this is horrible". Lakisha: "this is horrible" and on and on. He's a tough crowd. I just thought they were all ok. Good news is that they all looked really good, cute dresses, loved Jordin's hair, Phil wore a hat, and I couldn't get past Lakisha's gigantic hoots enough to focus on her song. Each one is the size of my head!!! I guess it really is sheer envy that I have to notice this. I look forward to my pregnancy boobs because they boost me up a cup or two, but then you know what happens when it's all over and the baby's on the bottle. Or maybe that's just me. I'm spending way too much time on hoots. Anyway, this week, anyone goes. It's Idol roulette.

I'm glad I wasn't the only one who had to dig deep for some motivation today! I ended up finding some, although it was touch and go for a while. Easter is officially put away. Parts of the home are clean (the parts most people can readily see). Went grocery shopping in the pouring rain. Then I tried to replicate the Melting Pot and made cheese fondue for dinner with leftovers from a cheese platter I made for Easter and it came surprisingly close! Yay me! I am always amazed when I make something that turns out halfway decent so I have to give myself mad props, yo, when I do it. I'm still finding myself as a cook. So that's it, that's where it all ended. My balloon deflated shortly afterward, I could barely keep my eyes open for Idol, and I'm back where I started in my pajamas.

Must. Get. Moving.

OK I have seriously got to get it together. Poops is taking a nap so I have a prime "getting stuff done" window that is rapidly shrinking. The problem is, my body does not want to do anything except sit in this comfy recliner in pajamas. And blog. It doesn't even have the energy to go up and get the coffee it just brewed. The more my body does this, the longer my to-do list gets and shorter become the number of days/slash/hours to Poops birthday party, for which most of my to-do list revolves around. Except that now, it still looks like the Easter Bunny threw a party at my house and didn't clean up after himself, there are baskets and grass and candy everywhere and toys and eggs and clothes. So before I even get to party stuff, I have to clean up all of the Easter remnants. And now, we're on "rain watch" because we have not had rain in months, but of course now it's raining every day and there's a 40% chance of rain on Sunday, and only of course because I'm having a party at a park with a playground that day. Why why whyyyy???? The rain location is here at my house, so I had better get it together quickly or 30 people are going to really think that I am a complete slob! OK, baby steps. Will shut down computer. Will turn off Today show which is re-running ridiculously long segments on the Imus apology/suspension. Will obtain cup of coffee. Will start from there. Oh, what a little tiny raspberry can do for my energy.