Obscene Phone Call

My voicemail has been violated! There is a disgusting man-voice on it, and I don't know who it is, or why he chose to target my voicemail. And I will state, for the record, that you, disgusting man-voice, will not feed into my news-producer-worst-case-scenario-paranoia! I will not let you! That being said, this is what happened. It's approaching half-time, we're getting ready to watch Prince do his thing and I'm hoping he's wearing waterproof mascara because it's pouring in Miami and I have a fear for Prince looking like Tammy Faye. Poops has just fallen asleep on my shoulder, he's had a fever on and off for two days so being back from my little anniversary tet-a-tet with husband, I am relishing in my mom moment. In fact, I don't answer my phone when I see my mom and sister's numbers pop up, or the random unidentifiable phone number that pops up following theirs. I get one voicemail. I listen to it. It's not my mom or sister. It's some guy and at first I think his voice is familiar, but then I'm sure it is not. And it takes a turn for the worse. This man may have well been breathing heavily because that's the same smarmy greasy yucky feeling I got after listening to his message, and I won't go into detail, but he's doing something -ahem- to himself, which I am thinking now in hindsight actually, is impossible to do to one's self, but okay. Whatever. Whoever he is was compelled enough to leave dirty messages on random people's phones during the Super Bowl. Wasn't he watching it?? Wasn't everyone? Anyway, now my voicemail is violated by his pervy words and I have to shower after listening to it.