New Sneakers

There is something about the stark whiteness of brand spankin' new white sneakers that brings me back to the time in childhood when it was dorky to wear your bright new white sneakers to school and I remember I could not wait until they turned just that one tiny shade of not-so-white so they looked almost normal and not like tiny laced up spotlights shining through the hallway. Now I am 31. And I still feel this way. When I walked into the gym with my new brighty-whities this week, the whole gym stopped, and it got quiet except for the clang of a dumbbell, the dance music turned off, and there I was, standing in the open door with my beams of light on my feet shining up toward the heavens. Despite the fact that I go to the gym regularly, I all of a sudden felt like this was my first day there with my shiny new sneakers and everyone knew it. Am I this self-conscious?