The Sweat Moustache

I love pregnancy. I love it not because of the tiny little miracle growing inside my innards, which is wonderful and lovely, but because of the gems you learn about yourself whilst pregnant. Your body does things you never thought it would, much of it uncontrollably. Like belching. Or big brown sunspots on your face because your body is producing more melanin than usual. Bloating. And now, enter here: the sweat moustache. Isn't this a lovely little gem? I was getting ready for our usual "date night" Friday night. Nana was over to babysit and I was running behind of course, so my hair was still wet and I had to dry it. And even though we have central air conditioning to battle the 90-something Florida heat, directing a hot wind at my head for a prolonged period of time makes a pregnant woman who is already emanating the heat from the sun, hotter. Much, much hotter. My husband walked into the bedroom while I had taken a break from the blow dryer to see me wiping my bright red, sweaty face off, which now included that lovely little gem of a sweat moustache. I looked like a distressed hog in the middle of a hot flash and he had to ask me if I was okay. Sure I was. I'm just gross now.

I don't remember when the sweat moustache arrived. I never even realized that I never got the sweat moustache before, until it had arrived and I realized how lucky I had been for all those years for not having it. Its arrival now throws a terrible kink in my process to get ready to go anywhere. I shower, like normal, then become a hot sweaty mess again while drying my hair (which is very long and takes forever) and then have to wipe my disgusting sweaty self off to get dressed and put my make-up on. If I make the mistake of putting my make-up on first, sweaty moustache has no regard whatsoever for what I've put on my face beforehand and it comes right through in ugly little beads and erases whatever progress I had made and I have to start over. Only this time, the makeup doesn't stick. Apologies to the dudes who read my blog, I am sure that picturing a sweaty pregnant woman is an attractive thought for you. But this is my latest fascination and I like to share the love with all of the world. There is nothing like the summer heat to make you forget about any insecurities you had about your body. There's no way I'm wearing a sweater or long sleeves to cover up any arm-fat I think I may have. I am one with the tanktop. And yes, I'm going to wear a bathing suit and go to the beach and the pool. There are plenty of people out there who wear a lot less than me and shouldn't, but what do they care? It's in the name of comfort this summer. And minimizing the sweat moustache as much as possible.