"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it." - Ferris Bueller

Friday, July 27, 2007

Sparkles

It's amazing how a cute little word like 'sparkles' could be so horrifying to me. I had them yesterday. I was standing there at the bathroom mirror, just about to reach into the drawer to get the toothpaste and brush my teeth, when there they were. For about five seconds, tiny, bright white flashes of little fireworks going off around my eyes. It sounds mundane. Lots of people see sparkles; but these are unlike any sparkles I have ever had. They're not auras before a headache, little tiny dots of light or any of those things that your eyes normally do. I can't explain it, only to say that I don't have a good 'history' with these kind of sparkles. Last pregnancy, I had them for the first time at 28 weeks and a few weeks later I was on bedrest with the early stages of preeclampsia. After I had them the first time, I thought them odd. Pregnancy deals one with many different pains, many of them which are normal and many of which are not. But most people are more aware of their bodies during pregnancy and if you're like me, we look up every single little pain and symptom on the internet. When I googled "flashing lights" and "pregnancy" or "sparkles" and "pregnancy" it took me straight to the preeclampsia website. I had never heard of preeclampsia before, so I quickly thought I was being a neurotic, paranoid pregnant woman. Whatever, that won't happen to me, that's ridiculous, I thought. Shortly afterward, my blood pressure went spiraling out of control, my body swelled up with so much water I looked like a human water balloon about to pop, and I was put on bedrest.

I spent this entire pregnancy thinking that everything was ok, "as long as I don't see sparkles." So when I saw them yesterday, I lost it. I am in a panic. I hope to God that I will look back on this post and think to myself how lucky I was that nothing came of those sparkles. But I very much believe that we know our own bodies and the things they're trying to tell us and I have a bad feeling. I won't lie. I'm terrified. I'm summoning all my angels and God Himself, to help me carry this baby to healthy full-term or longer. And if it can't be that long, please, let's just make it to the 30's.

6 comments:

Sparky Duck said...

well at least you may have some idea of what it is this time, which i would think is a good thing. so you can stay on top of the situation.

the only other time i have heard of sparkles in your sight is with cornea dislocation, so thats not a cheery option is it?

ChupieandJ'smama said...

I get sparkles just before I get migraines. Just another possibility.
I'm praying for you and your little one, Sweety!!

Skittles said...

I hope you mention this to your doctor soon! Prayers on the way!

ciara said...

hi-i came by way of mom not mum's blog. i, too, had preeclampsia with my first child. i had a crappy doc who did NOTHING for me until it went to full-blown eclampsia and required an emergency c-section. they say, once you have preeclampsia, it is VERY RARE for it to occur again, but i think definitely mention it to the doc. i have this feeling that everything will be ok. i'll be thinking bout you and the baby..i'll check in again to see how you're doing.

Robin said...

oh girlie..I'm pulling for you! Positive thoughts all the way!

~Denise~ said...

Pregnancy after preeclampsia definately has a way of changing the naive way we look at pregnancy. The reality for those of us who go on to have another child is one where we hope for the best, but prepare for the PE monster to strike again.

I hope you make it well into those 30's, Christie. It's scary, but you are doing a great job! The knowledge you have now is a huge asset, and remember you are the best advocate for yourself and that babe in utero.