Six Months Later, I'm Me Again

If someone asked me how long it took for me to feel like a real person again after my baby was born, I'd say six months. Six months to figure out whether or not the person I was before the baby was appropriate as a mother. Should I act more "mother-y"? Are my poop jokes and inappropriate comments "un-mother-like"? Should I ditch trying to dress cool or wear cute shoes? Should I start keeping my house completely spotless with floors you can eat off of? Dust-free? Try new recipes? Wear an apron? Our baby came just over a year after our marriage, so I was still trying to find myself as a wife.

Six months to feel like I could finally leave the house. Six months to feel sociable again. We moved into a new subdivision a few months before I got pregnant. But once I got pregnant, I grew incredibly unsociable which only escalated after the baby was born. People were always asking me questions, how will you handle this, will you breastfeed, what's your theory on this that or the other. I didn't know yet, so I felt stupid. Even though I seemed to know what I was doing on the outside, I was flailing out of control on the inside thinking everyone else had more answers than I did about how to take care of this little guy. I didn't want to meet the neighbors. I broke brunch dates and hangout dates with friends. I stopped returning phone calls. I didn't hang out with people from work, or keep in touch once I decided to stay home. I saw my mom, my husband, and my baby. I went to Target and I went grocery shopping. Maybe the mall. That was pretty much it, but at the time, I was ok with that.

Six months to have more energy. After Aidan started sleeping, I had more energy to expand my horizons and get to the gym. Before, if it were a choice between the gym and sleep, you know which one won. So, about a month ago, I started working out 5 or 6 times a week. I need another knee surgery (I had one already when I was six months pregnant), so besides wanting to fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans, I want to be in better shape for surgery, for recovery. Plus, I don't want to be a fat pregnant person, should we decide to have a baby sooner rather than later. Even though I haven't shed all of it yet, I'm down 7 pounds, and I don't look much different but I feel much better. If that counts. My husband compliments me. My huge sizes feel a little baggy. Not there yet, but maybe some day. I keep trying on my old jeans "just in case".

Six months to feel pretty again. This may be a no-brainer because of the work-out thing. More energy, yada yada yada, who knows. But would you believe, it also took six months for me to get my pre-pregnancy hair back again? I have long hair which is usually kind of nice, but I'm telling you when I got pregnant, Aidan sucked all the moisture out of it and it became a frizzy uncontrollable coif. Not a good look for someone who already feels big and fat. At least you can have your cute hair if everything else seems to fail. But not me. And it's back, baby, and boy am I happy. Also, no more maternity clothes. I've packed them up and let a friend borrow them so I can't be tempted to frump myself up. And no more big old nursing shirts and ugly 18-hour cross your heart nursing bras. Sweet. I'm back in cute shoes. And I've decided that for me, being a mom doesn't have to mean not drying your hair because there's no time and wearing it all wet in a ponytail holder anymore. It also doesn't mean I have to wear mom jeans or ugly shoes or go without makeup. It's ok to have a camouflage messenger bag as a diaper bag because it's just as functional, but more importantly, it's cute. Yes, it took me six months to realize this.

Six months to feel like a wife AND a mother. My husband and I are totally in sync right now, and even though I know life changes that all the time, right now it feels real good. He understands me, us and our family unit. We're respectful of each other. We give each other an "out" when we need it. We are in unison and I've never been happier.

Six months to feel like I've finally hit my stride. I've gone out enough times and met a few other new moms to know that I am doing the right thing with Aidan. My choices are ok. He's doing well. He's behind some kids, but he's ahead of others. That's just the way the world works. And it's ok to be me. I don't have to have all these parenting theories and I don't have to judge other people's parenting in order to justify my own. I don't have to defend myself, either. What works for us, works for us, and that's that and it's been pretty good so far. I do keep my house cleaner, and I work up new recipes and host family gatherings, but it's come natural and it's fun and I'm not trying to force it. If I go a day with dishes in the sink, I'm still an ok mom. So there.

Over the past week, I've received two of the best compliments I've ever received from my husband, which makes me believe he sees me coming out of my shell too. He told me one day that I look "sexy." And another day, he told me I look like I have it together. I feel funny about the sexy part (sorry any relatives reading this), because I've never considered myself that, ever. That seems like an awfully grown-up term. But I'll take the other compliment hands down. I finally feel like I do.

All Tuckered Out

We took Aidan on his first trip to the zoo and this is him afterward. He was more interested in his teething blanket than that big giraffe face staring at him. (below). But that's ok. We had a pretty good time, and come to find out our local zoo is pretty cool! Who knew!

He didn't care much for the rhinos either, he was a little more focused on his teething rings. But he did seem to get a kick out of the carousel.

Finally Getting Somewhere

Yep! He's making it off the playmat and starting to get around, although that's really as far as he ever gets before he gets frustrated. But until then, he's all proud of himself. See below.

There's some movement there too, some teeth coming in on the bottom which was a really hard picture to take. I'm not sure if anyone else can see them. I can, but I know they're there. Maybe it's more like baby abstract art.
That's my little homey. I just hope he turns out more like Marky Mark than K-Fed.

Thursday Thirteen #2

We just finished getting our house stucco'd and we're about to get it painted, among the millions of things we've had to do since we moved in last year. That's why I've decided to do..

THIRTEEN LOVELY THINGS ABOUT HOME IMPROVEMENT

1. Not being referred to as "the ghost house" by neighborhood kids anymore

2. Mounting debt and lots of 0% interest credit cards from home improvement, furniture, and carpet stores.

3. Getting your house out of the 1980's once and for all.

4. Not feeling like you're raising your child in a shanty house anymore and finally feeling like a worthy parent.

5. That is, until having to pay for college

6. Knocking one thing off the list means adding at least 20 more.

7. Starting and finishing a project is NEVER "that easy", even if it means something as simple-sounding as pressure-washing.

8. Spending the day trying to get motivated to start or finish a project.

9. Starting a project and then giving up, realizing it would have been better to call in the professionals in the first place, then being too lazy to call them and having the unfinished project sit for weeks and weeks.

10. Arguing with your spouse about whose way is the best way to start or finish said project.

11. The comments from visitors about how much you've done with the place.

12. Realizing that buying a fixer-upper is more fun for you than your non-handyman husband.

13. Putting together a growing list of things that we will definitely NOT want in our next house because of our newfound experiences with them...like skylights (that leak), wallpaper (that's permanently stuck to drywall), old carpet, popcorn ceilings, old wood paneling with hunters and ducks on it, fruit trees (spiders), and a crazy, Amazon-jungle-like backyard. In no particular order.

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Big Huge Empty House

During our little tea party last week, my mom suggested I leave Aidan at their house for the night. I was completely taken aback by the request. Flabbergasted, if you will. This wasn't something that had even dawned on me to do! I don't really know why. It's not because I didn't want to or anything, I guess I just get into that rut of he always needs to be with me and if he's not with me than he's with his dad, otherwise we'll only be gone for a couple of hours. So I called my husband at work and he sat silent on the phone while he began to wrap his mind around this idea too. This was a big step! It sounds so silly. But we couldn't think of a reason "why not." Grandma and Grandpa and Auntie Anna would get him all to theirselves and they'd be in their glory. I'd get a night off. Uh, ok. Let's do it. He had all his stuff with him and a place to sleep and all we had to do was figure out how to put the car seat in their car, which I never do, so I wasn't sure how. And of course, that was a production because everything in my family is a production. We thought, hey let's go to the firestation, they check them, what a great idea. I was scared to death just driving there cause I was sure the carseat was in wrong and I was holding onto it for dear life. Not that that would help. We pulled up, and one of their big garage doors was open with a workout bench in it so we knew they had to be home. It was just trying to figure out who was going to knock, cause we were all embarrassed, none of us had done this before. So we sat their for eternity bickering loudly about who should go, which turned into a unanimous vote for my dad but before he could go, my mom honked. Great. This isn't embarrassing at all. We're like the Keystone Cops, I swear. My dad got out and knocked on the door and then firemen started coming out from all over the place. From the back, from the side, even the Fire Chief came out. Who was honking! So two of them helped us put the carseat in right and Aidan was sleeping the whole time and a whole bunch of them were just milling around, watching. I think I knew one of them from high school. They got the carseat in, we thanked the nice men, and we went happily on our way to Pit Boss, the best BBQ joint in the world. We've been going there since I was about 10. On my way home without the carseat, I realized there was no one to listen to me belting out my favorite songs. And when I got home, I almost turned on the monitor thinking he was in the other room. Our smallish house never seemed so big. We went out. We drank beer and shot darts without looking at the clock. I kicked ass. We came home and ordered pizza and ate my sister's heart-shaped brownies that were no longer heart-shaped. The house was so quiet. We kept talking about Aidan. We felt naked. It's so funny how such a tiny being can fill up an entire house. I guess the moral of the story is, we survived. We may even do it again.

I Heart Auntie Anna

When I used to live in New York and Salt Lake and I would come down to visit, I'd fly in for a whirlwind weekend and try to fit everything in, seeing all my family, my husband-to-be and my friends. For my family, the weekend was exhausting. Like a tornado blowing through. Now, it's my sister's turn. "Auntie Anna" came home for a little R&R (or as we call it, a little "energy") while her husband's away on deployment. Whenever our family's apart for too long, our "energy" gets depleted and we say we need a fill-up and the missing member of the family makes it back to complete the circle and we're good for a little while until our energy runs out again. My relationship with my sister is the exception, not the norm, and as I get older I see that more. We're so close we say that we're actually from the same egg, she just incubated seven years longer. Anyway, it was a successful weekend. We had a tea party at our mom's house, she got to see her baby nephew, we had a big huge baby-fest bbq with all the family babies, and we even got to go out and party. Today, I slept all day. I don't have the stamina of my youth.

BABY-FEST 2006

Thursday Thirteen (#1)

Thirteen Reasons Why My Preemie's Not a Preemie Anymore (Happy six month birthday, Aidan!!) 1. He's rolling around on the floor 2. He smiles incessantly and I love it 3. He laughs at things like tickles and big huge rottweilers 4. He eats all his vegetables and cereal and he loves using a spoon 5. He holds his own bottle and shrieks and screams when you try to take it away and stares it down until the nipple is placed firmly back in his mouth again 6. He is in 6-9 month clothes and has huge ham hock legs and Michelin Man arms 7. He is about to sit up any day now, any day 8. He has two teeth poking out from underneath. He's been working hard on these and trust me, it's not easy work for him or for us 9. He is sleeping through the night, yay sleep! Yay! 10. He loves being outside and watching the world go on around him 11. He says "I love you". OK, he doesn't actually say it but his voice mimicks mine when I say it, does that count? It's more like a hum. 12. He tells us exotic stories of superheroes, love and life, riches and adventures, all through his extraordinary gift of babble 13. He'll only drink water from a cup, but that's ok with us!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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Psycho Crazy Nazi Mom

OK, so I really am not one of those moms who would just assume put their baby in a plastic bubble so as to protect them and not allow a single germ on them. I must preface this with that fact. I've been reading a bunch of "new mom" books, some of them handbook-ish, like "What to Expect the First Year" and some of them just funny, like "Sippy Cups are not for Chardonnay". Which was a really cute book by a comedianne I've never heard of. I saw her on the Today Show promoting her new book and she was pretty funny so I bought it while browsing the baby book section at Barnes and Noble looking for a how-to-make-your-own-babyfood book. A couple of pages in, she starts making fun of some new moms. Then, as I keep reading, just as you would think, she talks about her newfound experiences and life lessons. Then she makes fun of other moms some more, you know the type, the ones who take the bumper off their crib because they're afraid that their baby might suffocate. Or the moms who don't use blankets because they're afraid that their baby might suffocate. Or the moms who make their own babyfood. Sounds crazy, right? She makes it sound really bad, like "never get cornered by one of those crazy moms". I swear I never thought I was going to be one of "those" moms and I still don't really think I am. I was always the one who never had an opinion on anything and had the messiest room and talked incessantly in class.

See, by nature I can't be one of those moms. I'll have you know that I've since put the bumper back on the crib since Aidan started sticking his arm through the rails and getting it stuck. (We check on him at least 4 times throughout the night to make sure he hasn't suffocated.) Also we use "sleepsacks" that act just like blankets only he wears it and they look really cute! (and they calm my nerves at night about the possibility of suffocation, isn't that a plus??!!) Oh... and Aidan just wrapped up a week of green beans. He's on to potatoes. (I made em myself.) Sigh.

I gots me a girlfriend!

Aidan looks like a monster next to baby Kailey. He got to meet his new girlfriend over the weekend. It's hard to believe he was actually smaller than her at one time. Don't they look cute together? I took quite a few pictures of this, and that last one is him telling me I'm taking way too long. Oddly enough, we actually hung out with Kailey's parents at their house two days before I went into labor. Then, when it was their turn to have a baby, they had hung out at our house two days before she went into labor. Coincidence? I guess so. I wanted to put "I think not" because that's just what you write after asking if it was a coincidence. But it really is one of those odd things in life.

Baby Haiku: A Series of Mental Pictures

A baby with folds.
How much stuff is stuck in there?
I keep finding more.

Crying, laughing, snore.
Rolling around on the floor.
Crying, laughing, snore.

Tiny, toothy smile.
Drool running down his big face.
Happiness galore.

Wrinkly baby head.

Still bald and waiting for hair.

Like an old, old man.

Thought of the Moment

"People often ask me, "What's the difference between couplehood and babyhood?" In a word? Moisture. Everything in my life is now more moist. Between your spittle, your diapers, your spit-up and drool, you got your baby food, your wipes, your formula, your leaky bottles, sweaty baby backs, and numerous other untraceable sources--all creating an ever-present moistness in my life, which heretofore was mainly dry." -- Paul Reiser, Babyhood

Waiting for the O.C.

NBC is smart. I'm waiting for the O.C. to come back, but meantime, there's a couple of great new series on, and most of them are on NBC. The only catch is, they come on after "Deal or No Deal". So of course, you get sucked in to watching the ridiculous drama of "I have absolutely no skill nor do I know what I'm doing but I'll take my shoes off and do somersaults on the stage when I pick the right case". Of course, I could change the channel. But I don't, and I don't know why. I think it's because it's like a train wreck watching these people act like they're winning because of their skills. Example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdhiLgwptZI . But while my O.C. remains on hiatus, I must say, I applaud you, Fall Season, because I rarely like new shows and now I'm seriously going to have to re-think my TV line-up so as to not become one with my couch because of watching too much of it. Our DVR is already on overload.

New additions to current line-up:
-Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. VERY good show. I am hooked already. Matthew Perry is great in this, he's still funny in a serious Chandler Bing sort of way. I love it.
-Heroes. Still trying to figure out if I like it. The whole show seems like something out of one of my wacked out dreams. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUgK2HQrlDY . I guess I do like it. I just don't know if yet if it's worth adding to the line-up.

Then of course there's 30 Rock which looks funny, and that new show with John Lithgow, 20 Good Years, which also looks funny.
I don't know if these are worth it either, because look at my line-up already! I am not a deadbeat mom. I do pay attention to my child and even find time to work out and clean! Ask my husband!

-The Office
-My Name is Earl
-Best Week Ever (VH1. Hilarious.)
-Extreme Home Makeover
-Dancing with the Stars. (guilty pleasure).
-Gilmore Girls
I swear we do other things rather than watch TV.

Waiting for: (eagerly)
-Scrubs
-The O.C. (coming back in November! Wah.)
-Psych (I LOVE this show. It's on USA and it's hilarious. It's about two guys who pretend they're psychic and help police solve crimes, but all they are is really really observant.) Comes back in January. http://www.usanetwork.com/series/psych/

I'm so surprised that I even like TV these days. My normal repertoire is Seinfeld re-runs and that's it. I may need a hobby.

Toy Nemesis

I don't usually put together Aidan's toys or furniture, my husband does. And I usually wonder why it takes him so long. Now I feel bad. Fortunately for us, we bought the unused floor model of this swing and we didn't have to put it together. This has been Aidan's favorite thing in the world, but I think I may love it even more because without it, I'd get nothing done. It mesmerizes him and puts him in a trance that no other toy or piece of furniture dares to do. But as he gets older, the usual routine of eat, swing, play on floormat, hang out with mommy, nap is getting a little stale. Which means new, more stimulating toys. Like the one I tried to put together today. This particular 5-in-1 gym looked real great, and looked real easy to put together. He can use it forever, lying down, sitting, and standing. (This is him in it, below)

So after I laid Aidan down for a nap and commenced its construction, I started reading the directions. Which were only a bunch of pictures of parts with corresponding numbers. So I sat on the floor for about a half hour looking at these parts and making sure they're all in the correct direction before I put them together like the diagrams showed. They say you need a Phillips screwdriver. Which was a lie. You need a Phillips POWER screwdriver. Because after another half-hour of screwing in these screws which were going nowhere no matter how hard I pushed, I got out the powerful one and it did the trick in about a second. Apparently you make the hole yourself. Good to know. Then, what the directions fail to tell you because there are none, remember only pictures, is that if you put one of the parts on the wrong way, in my case, upside down because I'm real bright, that you can never ever ever take the part off again. Ever. So after some finagling and a deep gash on my thumb from a wayward tool, I didn't get it off, but I was able to figure out how to fix it. The gym only has like 6 parts and in hindsight was really easy to put together, except for a few facts that instructions with words probably would have helped and saved me a band-aid. Veteran parents are probably sympathizing with my plight of toy assembly right now, because I'm sure that sadly, this is only the beginning. Now I know what my parents went through putting together my Barbie Dream House. Ps. Sorry Evan.

The wrong side of the bed.

Almost every day, I think how lucky I am that Aidan wasn't colicky and that he seems to be an otherwise very happy, very easy baby. He eats well, he sleeps through the night and he smiles a lot. And I wait for the other shoe to drop. Like today. When he wakes up screaming inconsolably, and you sing, and you hug, and go on patrol for anything that could be hurting him. The toes. Check. Fingers. Check. Folds. Check. Diaper. Check. He ate an hour ago, could he be hungry again? File that, keep going. No obvious pain anywhere. Still wailing. Walk around house, look outside, listen to birds, turn on TV, walk around some more, slows to a whimper. Progress. Try to play, he laughs a little, more wailing. Apparently false progress. Watch Meredith stomp grapes on Today show. Still wailing. Sit in "Fred", (our big black Lazy Boy chair that doesn't match with anything but is the most comfortable thing ever), rock, sing his favorite song, "This Old Man," slows to whimper. Progress. Grows to wailing. Darn. OK, I'll make a bottle. He eats, burps, wails some more. OK, I'll give him that Humphreys stuff for his teeth. Lops it up, more wailing. Back in Fred. More rocking and more wailing. Wriggles self from my shoulder down to my lap, lays on side, sticks thumb in mouth, falls asleep. Sigh. Need coffee. Ps. Did not win Lottery.

Thought of the Moment

"If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'" - Jeff Foxworthy

The Winning Ticket

I had a dream last night that I won $81 million in the lottery. I guess that's impossible because tonight's jackpot is only $9 million. I dreamt that I was afraid of blowing the whole load on junk so I decided I would keep my current house and buy a brownstone in New York City and save the rest, maybe invest some of it. Then I went to a diner and ordered Lemon Merengue pie and a coffee and so did everyone at my table, there were about six of us. I even remembered the numbers when I woke up but then I forgot them. I think there was a 3 or a 6 in there. I'm going to get a ticket just in case. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Why can't I jumprope?

Isn't this supposed to be easy? Don't young children, the elderly, and boxers do this without complication? Even the sumo wrestlers on Celebrity Fit Club make it look easy. I remember doing this as a kid but I don't remember being this embarrassed when I did it. So I picked up the jumprope at Stroller Fit class yesterday thinking I would be nothing less than Rocky training for my next big fight. We had to jump rope for a minute. How hard could that be? What I turned out to be was the jumproping equivalent of Elaine dancing, with tiny kicks and some random galloping. The rope would go so slow around me, that it would get all floppy and snag on my back foot on the way up so that I'd have to stop every 10 seconds and start the ridiculous display all over again. I stunk so bad at jumproping that I had to stop BEFORE the minute was up, and jump in place real fast. Like you would do with an invisible jumprope. I looked over and Aidan was covering his eyes, pretending not to know me in front of new potential baby friends. Task for today: buy jumprope and practice within privacy of own home so as not to make fool of self again in front of other moms.

Anger Management

Whenever Aidan has a meltdown I think about how wonderful it would be if we could do the same thing in adult situations. Like when we get tired, start rubbing our eyes and screaming our heads off. Or when we're hungry, throw ourselves on the floor, screw up our faces and start wailing. Or when we don't feel like going into a meeting and we throw a tantrum, or perhaps when we're at the grocery store and my husband tells me I can't have a candy bar. Or in a quiet movie theater, when I just don't feel like sitting still. Or when I miss my mommy. Or I just want to be held. Or in a couple years when my diaper is stinky.

Halloween

"This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him." ~Conan O'Brien

A Trip Into Fall

Yay! Fall! Finally the hot, heavy mugginess of summer has lifted, not even a week after the ushering in of Fall and it's music to my body. That infant carrier weighs a hundred-thousand-bazillion tons under the weight of the sweltering summer heat, and Aidan and anyone else who goes outside for more than 10 minutes needs a change of clothing after braving it. Like people up north during the winter months, I spend a lot of time indoors in the summer, only I wrap myself up in the comfort of 72-degree air conditioning and corresponding $200 electric bills. Every year, I get excited about the "holiday season" a little earlier and this year I've already started my Christmas shopping which if anyone knows me, is a huge feat. I usually finish shopping mere hours before midnight and am up until 3am wrapping, only to unwrap it all in a present-giving blitz a couple hours later. Anyway, now it's time for pumpkin carving, pumpkin pie, Turkey with a capital "T", pretty leaves, crisp air, early sunsets and my favorite, that extra hour of sleep that I lost in the spring! Yay! And we'll return to our youth in a few weeks when we take Aidan trick-or-treating, cause who are we kidding, that candy he gets is for us.